Making Soup

Today I sit in a hospital beside the bed of my 89 year old Daddy.  Until a few days ago he was a fiercely independent, proud, and strong man despite his age.  He drove everywhere, lived alone, and took care of himself very competently.  But in a matter of a few minutes, he was reduced to one totally dependent and unable to care for himself.  A stroke will do that.  For now he has been robbed of even the ability to speak or swallow and those of us that love him begin a journey into uncharted territory and we have more questions than answers. 

Over the past few months I had embarked on the 1000 Gifts challenge.  Name 1000 gifts.  Count the blessings.  See the graces.  Write them down.  Practice gratitude.  On a good day it’s easy.  Grace abounds.  Blessings are everywhere I look.  From the simplest to the greatest, I saw and wrote.  Once you begin to see the more you see.  The challenge comes in seeing them in the hard and the ugly.  Where is God in the pain, the disappointment, the heartbreak?  Where is he as I sit watching my Daddy so confused and helpless? So as I sit, waiting, and wondering I went back a few days before all of this.

It was the very day “it” happened and it was one of those special days.  A day off from work, beautiful weather, and the weekend before Thanksgiving.  I had cleaned, done laundry, and made my shopping list for the Thanksgiving groceries.  I had a lunch date planned with my hubby.  Blessings and graces were everywhere I looked and gratitude was easy.

Early in the day I had decided to make soup for dinner.  I knew I had good round steak in the freezer and everything else I would need to make a stockpot of vegetable beef soup and it was soup weather.  Soup always taste so good when the weather cools and it’s the perfect way to use the canned goods from the summer garden.  As I began the process of making the soup, adding ingredient after ingredient, it struck me how utterly unappealing it all looked in the beginning.  What would later, after simmering for some time become a delectable pot of soup, did not at all look the finished product would.  To the water in the stockpot I added the chunks of raw meat, spices, beef stock and then the vegetables, canned tomatoes from the garden, frozen mixed vegetables, and chopped potatoes.  At this point it was only a conglomeration of raw meat, uncooked vegetables, and flavors that had yet to meld.   

I know at this point you’re wondering what all of this has to do with each other; my dad, the stroke, blessings, and soup.  But here’s the point.  Just like the soup that in the beginning looked unappealing, a pot of all sorts of things that didn’t appear to belong together, life is much the same.  It rarely makes sense and all the ingredients don’t seem to go together.  It’s a mix of joy and sorrows, of triumph and tragedy, of beauty and of ugly.  Each day brings something new and not always welcome.  We’re on the mountaintop, then in the valley of despair.  It’s only after the simmering, the melding of all the experiences that we start to see the finished product, us only more Christ like.  Without both ends of the spectrum the end result could never be the same.  It takes the pain to appreciate the joy.  It takes the ugly to truly recognize beauty.  It takes suffering, and disappointment, and heartbreak to strip away the pride, the self-sufficiency, and the apathy.  It’s only after it’s all thrown in together and slowly “simmered” that we become what God would desire us to be. 

So where are the blessings as I go thru this?  They are still abundant if I only look.  Daddy’s sense of humor is still there despite the communication barrier.  I am blessed with phenomenal friends that share without question what they have to help me through.  I have a wonderful family to support me.  I have a husband that not only loves me, but also loves my Daddy as though he were his and will do whatever it takes to walk through this with us.  I was able to get to my Daddy quickly and be with him.  We have the best medical care available.  I got to spend time with some people I love.  I got to, for once, take care of my Daddy.  Yes, the blessings are abundant and this event too will become part of all that makes up my life and continues to shape and mold me.  These are the times that let me truly see God and his love.  Like the soup, the end result is worth the preparation, the stirring, and the waiting.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28